Frank Zappa on the Universal World Church

While I was working at the store, a black guy named Welton Featherstone came in, shopping for singles. We got to talking and he asked me if I'd ever been to church. I told him I'd been raised a Catholic, and he said , "No, I mean have you ever been to a real church?"

He told me about a place called the World Church, which happened to be right around the corner from where I lived. It was run by O. L. and Velma Jaggers, a husband-and-wite evangelical team. He said, "You won't believe it. Tonight's 'Baptism Night '-you gOlla go down IlIeTe awl d!uk il OUI. " I had actually seen O. L Jaggers all TV once-he had a local 'religious' program that ran for a short time. During the show I saw. he stood by a blackboard and drew diagrams as part of the 'answer' to a letter he claimed to have received from a deeply troubled vil'wn. The letter requested a theological explanation of UFOs, and the reverend obliged with this answer: "Flying SIIUfCrs lire nOlhing more Ihan chembim al1d seraphim. Buallse oflhe grea, speed al which tllt'Y travel, their liny bodies beg!/! /0 g/tlw wheu tlley (ome ill (O lUact willI our 1111/1(1- sphere. " So, I went to the World Church, It was a large Quonset hut ncar Temple and Alvarado. Instead of an altar it had a stage with flowers and fake gold knickknacks, displayed between an allwhiTe piano and an all-white organ. Over the stage was an enormous cardboard cutout of Jesus, posed like Superman in the takeoff position, projecting out, over the audience. It was illuminated on either side by small clusters of red and blue lights-like the ones they usc in the driveways of apartment houses called 'Kon-Tiki.' The congregation was poor-black . Filipino, Japanese and Mexican, They were subjected to three collections dllTing the hour I was there. The 'baptism tank' stretched across the rear of the stage. It was a waist-high sort of aquarium-thing, filled with green water. The baptismal contestants wore white robes, Jaggers dunked each victim intO the tank. dragging him (sort of by thescruff of thl: neck). with his head under water, the length of it. One guy couldn't hold his breath and came up gagging. It was pretty disgusting. As I was about to leave, I heard him announce (into a handheld Neumann U-87), during the third collection, jesIHjllsttold me tilat YOII have (J/wther thOllsand dol/ars in YOllr pockets." A bunch of people got out of their seats and marchl:d down the aisle, like zombil:s, dishing up wads of cash. As their reward, he said, " I'm now going to rain dowl! the fire of tile Holy Ghost on YOII!" They put their fmgertips up and started wiggling them, while Dr. Jaggers shouted: "Fire! Fire! Firc!" (into a crowded room). The people responded by going, "Ooooo! WOOOO()O," as if it was really getting all over them, The organist played scary music and the {cd and blue lights flashed on the cardboard Jesus.

From The real Frank Zappa book{cite|http://books.google.com/books?id=FB0O_HCpBy0C&lpg=PA62&dq=zappa%20jaggers&pg=PA61#v=onepage&q&f=false}.